001. A Life Lesson from Oil Painting
Two years ago, in a rare attempt of trying something entirely out-of-the-box, I decided to sign up for an oil painting class.
It is ‘out-of-the-box’ for two reasons.
- Using oil as a medium
- Doing the painting process with zero experience and with a lot of people in the room
The different art medium was actually the least of my worries. It’s the surrounding people that’s the problem. I have always done art exclusively with myself, and to do something new in front of strangers scared me. I was afraid of my inexperience; and to be perfectly honest, I am very afraid of other people’s judgment of my work.
The classroom setting was cozy, and the quiet chatter helped calm my nerves. I spotted a couple of long tables containing a collection of brushes, rags for painting, and a selection of oil and acrylic paints. Every now and then some people will stand up, take a few steps back to look at their painting, and then walk to the long table to get a fresh rag or replace their muddy paint water.
Once I got seated and settled in, I began cautiously trying a few strokes. I quickly found out I didn’t like how that looked, and proceeded to try and cover it up; this spiralled into what looked like a big, ugly smudge. I am obviously out of my depth and didn’t know the first thing to do. I had no idea how to make the proper strokes, or even how to mix colors.
I was staring at my canvas and thinking of a way to salvage my painting when I saw one of the instructors making his rounds and checking up on other painters. I was so mortified when he approached. I am not exaggerating when I say the kid sitting adjacent to me was doing a much better job.
He took one look at my painting and said, “This is your first time using oil, isn’t it?”
I gave a pained smile, “Yeah…”
“What medium do you normally use?”
“Well, charcoal and watercolor. I did try a little bit of gouache, and I thought it will probably be the same…. but the oil is really hard to control.” I said.
“I see. It’s very different huh?”
I nodded vigorously, “Very different.”
“We actually get a lot of people here who are beginners. Most of the time they take a couple of classes to test out both oil and acrylic paints. They’re trying to get a feel if they like it or not.”
I looked at my painting again, which, if I should describe it to you, looked really muddy. You know how when as a kid you put colors on top of one another and you get this brown-gray mixture? Not pretty at all. Half-jokingly I said, “I don’t think oil painting is working for me.”
He responded with something that is in line with our conversation, but for some reason my brain immediately translated it into a metaphor for my personal life.
“That’s perfectly fine. Now, you have a better grasp on your preferences. If you didn’t try this, then you wouldn’t know that you don’t like it. It’s worse not to try.”
I went to this class expecting to grow my experience in art. But I came out with a nugget of accidental wisdom that I have carried with me until now, and will possibly stay with until I’m very, very old.
“You don’t know what you like or don’t like, unless you try.”
Funnily enough, I realised it never occurred to me before that I can just try things. It might seem like common sense to you already, but when I walked out of that class, I started thinking, “What is holding me back from the things I want to do? Why am I not doing the things that I think will bring me joy?“
I became so dependent on external validation that the thought of what other people’s opinion prevented me from venturing out. I kept thinking of excuses like, “I don’t want to fail, because that’s just wasting time.” Or the classic excuse of, “I’m too busy.”
I have locked myself in; staring at the walls I unconsciously built for myself.
It has been a long time since that oil painting lesson, and since then I am happy to say I have tried to live by that mantra as much as I can.
I enjoy art, so I took up a beginner’s pottery class. Then, I bought a film camera and tried film photography. I tried bead-working. On a whim, I went around Hong Kong documenting as many murals as possible. I tried floating on a sensory deprivation tank. I took up running and still am running. I went to my first-ever music festival. I traveled by myself for the first time. I made a newsletter.
Along the way, I met people who I’m now really good friends with; people who share the same interests, and do these things together with me. I ended up in this perpetual cycle of encouraging people and being inspired in the process. All of these happened just because I drove myself to try; and so far, it was immensely gratifying.
I didn’t entirely give up on oil painting. I bought my own supplies and started what is now the ‘Unfinished Tulip Field’ you see on the beginning of this post. The windmill is still only sketched out, and there is only one measly row of tulips. But incomplete as it may be, I treasure this work. Funnily enough, it reminds me that it’s okay to suck.
I hope this post serves as a gentle nudge to put yourself out more, if you are not doing it already. Start with something close to your heart. Something that you were yearning to do but have been putting off for a long time. I am so excited for you to have fun!
Essentially, this whole post is just my long-winded way of saying “JUST DO IT!” So, go do it. Do the thing. Climb the proverbial mountain. And if you find out that you’d rather be doing something different, hey, it’s perfectly fine to stop.
Cheers!
Hannah